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Dear Rob,
I've been hanging out with this guy maybe
once a week for a month now. Really a great guy with an awesome career and is
cool, hip, culturally aware.
He reads awesome literature and watches foreign films (which I absolutely love).
He seems to like me, but doesn't seem heads over heels crazy about me.
We see each other about once a week on average because I work a full time job
and he's a freelancer, so he has a lot more flexibility in his schedule.
The problem is that I've always expected a certain amount of chivalry and
gentlemanly manners, like opening the door and letting me enter first, paying on
the first date, etc., but this guy is Mr "Lets go Dutch." Or I pay this time,
you pay next time. Which would be fine if we were friends, but we're kind of
dating, not just friends.
And I'm just not used to that this early in the game, nor am I used to a guy who
will start crossing the street first without waiting for me. It's extremely
frustrating.
I'm in my early 30's and he's 3 years younger. Do you think it's an age thing?
Or he's just never been taught to have manners by his mother?
After hanging out a few times I finally spent the night and it was fun, but he
didn't make sure that I finished first. And to top it off, I ended up snoring in
the night and when I woke up his was gone! I went to look for him in the living
room and he was reading. I asked him what was up and he told me my snoring kept
him awake and he's been up for the past few hours. Cripes, how embarrassing.
How should I proceed from here? Wait for him to contact me? Or just forget it
and move on?
Snorty Girl
Hi Snorty Girl,
This guy sounds incredibly immature and selfish to me. I understand that guys
need to spark interest in girls. Fuel the flames of attraction and all that.
But, once the guy has the girl there are certain ways to behave and this guy
doesn't know what that is. Too bad for him.
And you'll waste a lot of your time teaching him proper manners when he's not
really serious about you if you decide to keep seeing him. Too bad for you.
This is not due to your difference in age, it's do to a bad, ever expanding
societal flaw: "men and women don't know how to respect each other".
What I do suggest is that you talk to him point blank about your expectations in
a relationship.
Explain to him about opening doors, walking together, sharing the bill.
Either this will move your "Kind of dating" into a more serious place or you'll
end up just dumping him and let him practice his poor behavior on someone that
expects this type of crap from the guys they date.
You certainly deserve better.
And guys, for the record:
Open doors for the women (car doors, building doors, etc.)
Going out to eat? Decide before you get there if you’re splitting the bill or
paying for the meal
Wear clean clothes
Button shirts should have no more than two buttons unbuttoned
Shave off that facial hair unless you’re religiously obligated to wear it
Shower in the morning, shower before your date
Don’t be selfish in bed
Best Wishes,
Rob.
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